


Coincidence (일치)

by IAmNotGoodatthisnamingthing



Series: midnight blues and gilded hues [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Doctors!AU, insa fic collab
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:28:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24823840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmNotGoodatthisnamingthing/pseuds/IAmNotGoodatthisnamingthing
Summary: “Thought I might find you here.”The words break into Jaehwan’s reverie and make him turn.Three feet away from him, Jaehwan finds the moonlit silhouette of a man, familiar for reasons he would rather keep buried in his heart.
Relationships: Jung Taekwoon | Leo/Lee Jaehwan | Ken
Series: midnight blues and gilded hues [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795519
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10
Collections: Insa Fic Collab





	Coincidence (일치)

**Author's Note:**

> Song Inspiration: To Us Who Have To Endure x Nowadays x On A Cold Night

“Thought I might find you here.”

The words break into Jaehwan’s reverie and make him turn from where he is reclining against the guardrail. He’d come to the roof seeking peace and quiet. He’d found quiet, but peace was amiss. And now…

Three feet away from him, Jaehwan finds the moonlit silhouette of a man, familiar for reasons he would rather keep buried in his heart.

“Hi,” Jaehwan manages to reply, subtly clearing his throat. 

“I got you some coffee,” the man offers a steaming takeaway cup towards him. “Should still be hot.”

“Thanks,” Jaehwan bows his head slightly, accepting the drink. 

The gentle heat emanating from the cup brings warmth to his fingers, and makes him aware of how cold the rest of his body feels in contrast. 

It only serves to remind him how foolish of a decision he’d made, deciding to come to the rooftop on a cold night in the dead of winter.

_ But what else was he to do when- _

“Let’s sit down,” the man attracts his attention again. “Hold onto my cup for a sec, I’ll just brush off the snow from this seat.” 

Wordlessly, Jaehwan reaches out for the man’s coffee cup - which, he is willing to bet, is filled with black coffee - and watches listlessly as the man brushes snow off the bench with a flourish, before he beckons Jaehwan over.

Jaehwan follows his lead and takes a seat perfunctorily, his mind too full of numbness. 

The only sound for some time is that of them sipping at their cups, but it’s not an uncomfortable silence.  _ It never had been, between them, even before. _

Before, when Jaehwan had been young, and impulsive, and Taekwoon had been…

“It’s never easy,” Taekwoon says in the now and present, closing his eyes and tilting his head skywards.

“Hmm?” Jaehwan hums, halfway caught between the past and present.

“Losing a patient,” Taekwoon explains, his breath materialising as little puffs in the air. “Especially one you’ve treated for so long. And especially one so young.”

“I knew this would be an eventuality. I thought I was prepared for it,” Jaehwan laughs mirthlessly. “But now, my mind keeps going over the procedure, if I missed any step or if I neglected any of the pre-signs, or if any of the prep was wrong, and I just,” he pauses for a moment. “I don’t know how to deal with this. How do you deal with this?”

“Like I said, losing a case is always hard, but our fields are also so different. For me, any case that comes my way comes with a higher than average chance of death. My job is to try and prevent that, to the best of my ability,” Taekwoon says, his soft voice doing more to calm Jaehwan’s awry mind than the blast of cold from the wintry night had done so far. “The rest is up to chance, or fate, or whatever you want to brand it.”

“Is that your advice, for becoming better at this job?” Jaehwan asks, drinking in both the features and the words of the senior doctor beside him.

“I don’t think I am equipped to advise you,” Taekwoon chuckles lowly. “You’re in pediatrics, I’m in neuro. But if my word means anything, I want you to know that you did good Jaehwan. Your prep-work was immaculate, and your technique was exemplary. As a fellow surgeon, I could not have been more satisfied with how you run your ops.”

Jaehwan feels the cold inside him thawing, and the feelings he had kept locked and sealed in the recess of his heart threatening to escape. He’s helpless to stop the next words out of his mouth. 

“This means a lot,” Jaehwan says, his voice uncharacteristically abashed. “Especially coming from you.”

At this, Taekwoon’s eyes pop open, and he turns to give Jaehwan a long, analysing look. 

Jaehwan looks away, because what else can he do? 

He hadn’t meant to raise the spectre of their past, but Taekwoon coming to the hospital where he’s working (brought in by the head of his department to consult on Jaehwan’s case - without, by the way, Jaehwan’s recommendation or prior knowledge) had awakened things in him that Jaehwan had thought he was long past.

_ It has been 6 years, and how is Jaehwan still- _

“I mean it, Jaehwan,” Taekwoon breaks the silence, which was veering towards awkward with things that remained unresolved between them. “You are a good surgeon, and an even better doctor,” this time he pauses, as if weighing his next words. “I’m proud of the professional you have become. Then again, I predicted you rising through the ranks really fast.” 

“You did not!” Jaehwan splutters.

“I did,” Taekwoon breaks into a sly smile. “During our times, attendings placed bets on the fresh residents who they felt were most likely to shine. Unethical, I know, but we tried to keep it as corruption-free and scrupulous as possible,” Taekwoon pauses to chuckle, shaking his head when Jaehwan gapes at him with wide eyes. “There was no money involved, just FYI. But Hyoshin hyung now owes me an expensive bottle of the red wine.”

“Hyoshin sunbae was involved in your gambling ring?” Jaehwan asks in askance, because  _ really? _ .

“Hyoshin hyung ran the system,” Taekwoon smiles. “I had high hopes for you, and from what I know, you’re the one whose progressed fastest in your batch. Now I can be all smug and collect my dues.”

“I can’t believe you placed so much faith in me,” Jaehwan struggles to string together his words. “Even when I was so awful to you.”

And that manages to wipe all joy from Taekwoon’s features.

“You were not awful,” Taekwoon frowns.

“I was,” Jaehwan looks down, biting at his lower lip. “Sometimes I think back to how I had behaved towards you, and I feel so ashamed.”

“It’s okay,” Taekwoon says magnanimously, and Jaehwan only shakes his head, feeling the numbness inside him being replaced with a burning frustration.

“No it’s not,” Jaehwan insists, fidgeting with his fingers. “You were my attending, and I threw myself at you. I was shameless and reckless, trying to come on to you, and you must have been so disgusted.”

“Jaehwan no,” Taekwoon makes a pained, urgent, noise. “I wasn’t disgusted, never with you.”

“Well, you should be,” Jaehwan replies mulishly. “Because if any of my residents or fellows tried to flirt with me the way I did with you, I would have made them back off so fast.”

“Jaehwan,” Taekwoon groans. A warning. But Jaehwan is on a self-reprimanding roll, and he won’t be stopped.

“No, you really should have admonished me. And told me to back off. And instead, you transferred out of the hospital. And I spent my entire residency trying to compensate for driving away the hospital’s star attending,” Jaehwan finishes, heaving for breath.

For a moment, there’s nothing but silence, and the low hum of the hospital’s generator whirring in the distance. And then…

“Is that what you thought? That I shifted, because of you?” Taekwoon asks finally, his voice uncharacteristically chock full of emotions. 

“Didn’t you?” Jaehwan asks, tilting his head in confusion.

“Jaehwan no,” Taekwoon smiles ruefully. “I shifted to be closer to home, because my parents needed me then. And the hospital had made me an offer to fastract my career even further,” he pauses, turning to fix the full brunt of his attention on Jaehwan before speaking again. 

“Besides, I did not want to admonish you. I couldn’t,” he speaks quietly, almost half to himself. “How could I, when I wanted you back just as much?”

Jaehwan’s heart stutters, because  _ surely  _ he must have misheard. Because, there’s no way Taekwoon could have returned his feelings then, there’s no way he’s here, saying this to him now.

“Are you sure?” he opts to ask.

“About wanting to give in to you?” Taekwoon laughs without mirth. “Jaehwan, I battled with my morality every time you made a pass at me. I wanted to take whatever you were willing to give me, so bad. And I felt so crass.”

“I never knew,” Jaehwan says, because all he remembers is Taekwoon treating him with kindness and patience, never once indulging his flirtations. 

And don’t get him wrong, Jaehwan is thankful that Taekwoon never took advantage of him, it would have been so easy especially with how willing Jaehwan had been. 

But all these years, he’d felt guilty, and now…

“You know,” he begins. “I have been avoiding you the whole time you have been here.”

“I have noticed,” Taekwoon side-eyes him. “I thought it was because I made you feel uncomfortable.”

“You don’t,” Jaehwan says immediately, turning trusting eyes on the sunbae who made him feel like a first year resident everytime he had to interact with him. “I thought  _ I _ made you feel uncomfortable, and so I wanted to be as detached and professional as possible.”

“Is that why you’ve been calling me Dr. Jung and not hyung?” Taekwoon asks playfully.  _ And oh, is he flirting back? _

“To be fair, it would have been sunbae, if not Dr. Jung,” Jaehwan quips, trying to maintain an even tone.

“Why sunbae? You call Hakyeon hyung,” Taekwoon retorts, frowning again.

“Because Hakyeon hyung has mentored me to  _ this _ ,” Jaehwan gestures to himself, feeling flustered when Taekwoon’s eyes shamelessly scan him from head to toe. “Besides, I’ve never harbored romantic interest in him, so it was easier being close to him.”

“I’ve heard the breakroom gossip about his heartthrob status though,” Taekwoon shakes his head,  _ and he isn’t wrong, breakroom is rumour central in their hospital _ . 

“Don’t quote me on this, but word on the street is that he lost his most eligible bachelor status as soon as you showed up,” Jaehwan shrugs, feeling easy conversing with Taekwoon in a way even his younger self could have dreamed of happening.

“Pity,” Taekwoon says with a straight face, and Jaehwan can’t help but giggle. He feels gratified when the chime of Taekwoon’s laughter joins his voice in a mellifluous chorus.

“Are you feeling better now?” Taekwoon asks, once they’ve managed to calm down.

“I am,” Jaehwan smiles, his eyes scrunching up happily, because he’s somehow managed to find the elusive peace he had been missing before. “Thank you. I’m glad you came after me.”

Taekwoon shakes his head. “I’ve been where you are, and I wanted to help you however I could.”

Jaehwan nods, closing his eyes. “I’m glad you decided to take up consultation on this case,” he says softly. “I’m glad I got a chance to clear this with you.”

Taekwoon hums, but he says nothing. Not for a while. And then…

“Jaehwan?” he starts hesitantly, sounding off-center for the first time since they began talking. “Can I confess something?”

Jaehwan opens his eyes and turns towards him fully.

“I decided to come here only because of you,” Taekwoon says, looking at him unflinchingly. “I jumped at the chance of seeing you again.”

“Why?” Jaehwan asks, almost demands, leaning closer to him.

“Because it’s been years, and I am tired of thinking of the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens,” he says, raking a hand through his hair. “I’m tired of wondering what kind of person I am in your memories, and if-if you could ever consider giving us a try again someday. But you’ve all but avoided me since I had gotten here, and I was beginning to lose hope.”

He pauses for a breath before continuing. “But after today, I think, I would be alright being just your friend, if not your companion.  _ If _ you give me some time to repress my feelings, that is.”

Jaehwan pauses, the lid on his own repressed feelings coming off, and his thoughts jumbling into a chaotic whirlpool inside his mind. 

He tries to put together words, even as the timid hope that had bloomed on Taekwoon’s face begins to wither, but all he can manage is a silent, stunned gape.

It has been half a decade since they’d parted ways, and they had endured so much self-recriminatory anguish due to their connection. 

But, against odds, here they were again, and to think Taekwoon could want him as much as he did back then.  _ As he still does now _ .

“Hyung,” Jaehwan finally says, trying the word on for size and enjoying the startled fluttering of Taekwoon’s eyelashes. “I don’t think we can be friends.”

“Oh,” Taekwoon says dejectedly, looking down and away, _ because it seems he had been Icarus, hoping for a dream too lofty to become true. _

“I don’t think we can be  _ just _ friends,” Jaehwan clarifies earnestly, biting down a smile when Taekwoon’s head snaps up immediately. “Not when I still harbor - how did I say it? - romantic interest for you, and you seem insistent on giving me a chance to shamelessly throw myself at you again.”

"If you want, I can shamelessly throw myself at you," Taekwoon offers.

"I don't think there would be a need for any throwing," Jaehwan shakes his head, hardly daring to believe this is happening.

“So where do we go from here?” Taekwoon asks, his eyes betraying the relief and joy his impassive face does not express.

“We give us a try, and we talk about the burdens we have made ourselves endure because of our shared past,” Jaehwan suggests. “And we learn from that, and grow together.”

“That sounds reasonable,” Taekwoon allows, nodding along. “When do you want to begin this procedure, Dr. Lee?”

“Tomorrow, Dr. Jung Taekwoon hyung,” Jaehwan beams when Taekwoon cracks a smile at him. “Tonight, you’ll have to excuse me to go hide myself in one of the locker rooms and reflect on everything that has happened today.” Taekwoon nods, because it’s understandable that Jaehwan would need some time to grieve for his patient and to process the rollercoaster of revelations they had combinedly shared.

“And tomorrow, maybe if you’re feeling up to it, we can catch dinner together?” Taekwoon proposes.

“Text me when you’re free,” Jaehwan says, standing up and stretching. “I should be relatively free tomorrow.”

“Can I get a hug before you leave?” Taekwoon asks, wanting so much more.

Jaehwan nods, and Taekwoon is up in an instant, readily wrapping his hands around him.

Jaehwan doesn’t want to sound cliched, or corny, but hugging Taekwoon just  _ feels right _ . Like, they were made to fit against each other, and share each other’s warmth. They hug for an infinite moment, memorising the feel of one another, before Jaehwan pulls back and forces his feet to walk away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Dr. Jung,” he says in parting, and Taekwoon smiles, realising his wait was going to finally come to an end. 

_ (Unbeknownst to them both, Dr. Hakyeon, bonafide psychologist and mutual friend, would be winning a free trip to Jeju sponsored by Dr. Hyoshin, for betting on the timeline of Jaehwan and Taekwoon getting together. Whether he had been the one to recommend Taekwoon’s specialisation to Jaehwan’s department head all that time ago will have to remain a mystery for now.)  _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think~


End file.
